October begins with me – I let go to return to myself.
My new mantra, now forever etched on my index finger, is a reminder of a new chapter in my life. A chapter that is not black and white like this photo, or like my usual way of thinking. I am working a lot with my thoughts. Because if we change the way we think, we change our lives.

I have been searching for a way to exist in this life since I was very young, though at the time I didn’t know what was up or down. Still, the curiosity to find the answer to WHY has always been rushing around in my inner universe. I’ve tried to adapt for 46 years and some months – and it’s fucking hard. My mind is different. I am sensitive, emotional, often abandoned and lonely.

I abandoned myself because it hurt too much to feel, to simply be. And when I share what’s happening inside me, people often disappear – they don’t understand me. They don’t understand the way I react. I’ve often struggled to understand it myself.

But life has a way of giving us gifts, as I call them. Funny enough, we keep receiving the same gifts that hurt like hell until we start doing something differently – until we change our way of doing things, until we change our way of thinking.

Now, I listen to myself. I move slowly. By now, I have quite a collection of words and symbols etched into my body – reminders that make me pause, that help me navigate this world I don’t quite fit into.

But a new journey has been underway for a long time – the journey inward, the journey into the dark, with meditation, chanting, yoga. I’ve found a system that works for me, a system that keeps me from drowning in this world of unnecessary, negative, false information.

It’s not easy. Sometimes I fall. And when I fall, it hurts like hell. But I rise again – wiser about myself, wiser about my feelings.

I am ready to embrace myself.
Ready to come home.
Ready to be exactly the human being I’m meant to be.